A Few Grammar Rules

Hello fictional people! It is Sunday, and you know what that means? Well, obviously because you’re reading this. But anyway! Jo and I will be talking about stupid grammar mistakes that people make! Oh, and I, Marie, am this blue color thing.

Ouch, burn. Sorry, reading stuffs. ANYWAY. I’m this amazing . . . Purple? Pink purple? *Turns to imaginary assistant* Is this purple Sara?

No. It’s like . . . dark dark pinkish  purple according to google docs.

Oh okay. And that’s why she’s here, to tell me if this is purple. And then I ask Marie about everything else. So yeah. Stupid grammar mistakes. I’ve made plenty of those in my lifetime!

Actually, I think that’s mauve. But anyway. Grammar. I am an editor, or at least an editor in training. In fictional training. I’m practically teaching myself. But that’s not the point. I love grammar. And spelling. And everything like that. But I do make tons of mistakes. That’s why Jo and I write together. Not really. But we do fix each other mistakes. But I’m getting off topic. Grammar mistakes that people make. Let’s start with . . . plurals and possessives.

And Marie also answers all my grammatical questions. Because, I ask questions. But anyway. Would that include it’s and its?

Yes. Yes it would. Most definitely. So . . . do you want me to start this off or do you want to?

You should because you are the . . . what’s the word. WHAT’S THE WORD?! AHH!!! I’m so forgetful today! I’ll just say . . . Alpha Editor. Yeah. YEAH. ALPHA EDITOR.

Alpha Editor? I’m not too sure about that, but sure, let’s go with that. And I see what you did there *smiles* But anyway. Plural things and possessives. If you have more than one, it’s plural. So, “I have two cats,” not really. I have one cat, but we’re in the fictional world where I have tons of cats. But possessive is when you own something. “Marie’s cats.” So. Simply put. If you own it, or if anything owns it, it’s possessive and gets an apostrophe (‘). If it’s just plural, no apostrophe, just an “s”.

*Grins* I’m glad that you caught that! Anyway. *Says dumbly* so . . . it wouldn’t be “Marie own’s two cats”?

*cringes* No. Never. In fact, in all my junior editor-ness, I have no idea what’s up with the “s” after “own” . . . I feel really stupid now . . . *thinks* Yeah. I don’t know. But the point is, there is an “s” after “own” in that sentence. Don’t question it. Just . . . have faith that I do actually know grammar rules . . . sometimes.

Ha, trust me. I’ve seen that a couple times, and I turn to the person and I ask them, “What . . . what is up with . . . well . . . that?” And this one person said, “Oh, see. That’s possessive, so it needs an “s”.” And then they went back to correcting my writing. And . . . it was weird. Okay. Would commonly confused words fall into this category?

Uhmm. Not really. But let’s talk about those now. And then we can talk about contractions which I always confuse with conjunctions because my brain doesn’t always work properly. But anyway. Let’s start with your and you’re, because I hate when people mess this up.

Okay. Let’s start with--in my opinion--the #1 most commonly confused word. Your . . . and You’re. Hey . . . which falls into . . . DANG IT. You got me all confused now!! Contractions . . . conjunctions . . . WHICHEVER IT IS. *Sighs* Peoples of the fictional universe. Please. Please. Take time to think about which one to use! You’re = You are. Your = Possessive! You don’t go around typing, “Oh hey! It’s you’re cat!” Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Very funny! Even Google Docs is mad at me for saying it! That’s like saying, “Oh hey! It is you are cat!” Which makes no sense.

*whispers* Contractions. *clears throat* So anyway. It’s not like saying, it is saying. Just had to point that out. So basically, fictional people, if you mean “you are” then you can take off that a and add an apostrophe. Kay? And if you don’t do that I swear I will kill you with my red pen. Just kidding. But . . . it’s possible. So now let’s talk about . . . it’s and its. Do you want to explain this Jo?

Actually, I have to say I do not. Because honestly . . . I totally forgot what its means because I barely use it. *Shameful bow*

That’s okay. I kind of wanted to explain it anyway. So. It’s and its are probably some of the hardest things about grammar they teach us in school, which isn’t really saying much, but yeah. ((Did you see my long pause there after “It’s and its”? I forgot when to use are or is. But anyway.)) It’s means it is. It’s a contraction, and you should only use it as such. Its on the other hand, is a possessive. “Woah woah woah!!! Didn’t you say that if it’s possessive then you add an apostrophe?! I’m so lost!” Why yes, I’m glad you remember me saying that. But its is an exception. I’m not sure why, it just is. So deal with it. So. “The cat tipped its water bowl over.” Possessive its. And I can’t think of an example for the other it’s, Jo?

Okay. That’s what I’m here for!!! Just give me a moment to think of something interesting. OKAY. I THINK I HAVE IT. But writing it on purpose as an example . . . well that’s hard because I feel like it’s going to be wrong. HA. See what I did there? I used it RIGHT THERE. FOOLED YOU!!!

Very clever Jo. Much, much better than what I would’ve said. Galilean moons my grammar skills are horrible today. But that’s not the point. So. Now that we’ve cleared it’s and its up, shall we move to contractions? Is that what I said we were going to cover next?

Yes. That is correct. AH! SCARY NOISE. I’m going to go turn on a light now . . .

OH MY GOODNESS. Freaking . . . GOODNESS GRACIOUS YOU SILLY CAT. It was my cat. Buddy. Being creepsta.

*laughs* It’s always the cat, isn’t it. My cat almost gave me a heart attack the other day, but that’s not the point at all. So. Contractions. Contractions are basically word + word = new shiny word! It’s really not that complicated. Unless you want it to be. So. Do + not = don’t. Would + have = would’ve. I know, I’m a genius. So yeah. There you go. And Jo, I’m pretty sure that there’s not supposed to be a question mark there. It’s . . . well . . . it doesn’t start with what I call a “Question Word”. Like who, what, where, when, why, or how. But . . . IDK. ANYWAY. Your turn.

How come I did not know this earlier?! WHEN I WAS WRITING STUFFS. And this is why you are the Alpha Editor.

I’m still not too sure about that. But anyway. You + are is another contraction. Just thought I’d point that out. You can make a contraction out of almost anything. I used to use contractions a lot . . . probably more than I should’ve. Practically one every sentence. I think that was in . . . fifth or sixth grade. I also used commas a lot. OH COMMAS!!! Let’s talk about commas. Would you like to explain? At least half of it? Commas have a ton of rules.

*Laughs* Oh commas. I suck at commas. Though, I use them a lot. A lot. If you haven’t already noticed of course. Seriously though. The little suckers are all powerful and have amazing skills! But anyway, (<COMMA) commas. Give me a moment to think of a rule . . . COMMAS SEPARATE ITEMS ON A LIST!!! *Facepalm* It took me a whole two minutes to think of that!

Before I start talking about rules, I feel like sharing something. So. As a 12 year old ((That is how old you are in sixth grade, right?)) I was a little . . . comma happy. I basically said to myself, “Do I need a comma there? Oh why not, there’s no such thing as too many commas!!!” First off, there is such thing as too many commas. And second off, don’t think like 12 year old me because I was really stupid back then. Still am. But anyway. Commas. Yes. They separate items on a list. So. “I need you to buy milk, eggs, bread, and cupcakes.” Not, “I need you to buy milk eggs bread and cupcakes.” *shudders* Don’t ever do that. I have no idea what milk eggs are. Or eggs bread. Or milk eggs bread for that matter.

*Laughs* Milk Eggs! “Hey, will you go buy me some milk eggs?” Ha. Anyway. I forgot to say, isn’t it more than two items that you’ll need commas . . .?

Yes, because you can’t just say, “I need you to buy milk, and eggs.” Don’t do that either. Kay? That looks messed up. And it is messed up. So. As there always is in English, there are exceptions to that rule! Gotta love them exceptions! So. Let’s say . . . “I need you to buy milk, eggs, and pink cupcakes.” Nooo. What have I done?! I messed up. That is another rule. Pretend I actually have a brain, kay? Now. Let’s continue. If you have a list of adjectives then you separate the list with our little friend commas. Unless there is an exception. Exceptions include colors, numbers, possessives, and something else that I can’t remember!

So. Yeah. I don’t have anything else . . .

Jo. That was your cue to tell me what the other exception was!

OH . . . sorry. It’s a personal pronoun isn’t it? Like “I” or “me”. Whoa. That took me a while.

OH OH OH OH!!!! THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!! PROPER ADJECTIVE!!!!!!! It’s not a personal pronoun because you don’t say, “I love the pink sprinkled, me cupcakes.” Or at least, I sure hope that you don’t say that. So. Color, number, proper adjective, or possessive don’t get commas. So it would look something like this, “My favorite cupcakes are the soft pink-frosted, sprinkled, chocolate cupcakes.” So yeah. If there’s an exception, don’t put commas around the exception. That was a bad example. Let me give you a better one. “Bashful, boring brown bats fly.”

Sorry that I don’t remember why I wrote that down. I have a list. Of rules. On a notebook. *Facepalm* failure.

That’s alright Jo. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve made a ton of mistakes just now. So yeah. Like my huge failure somewhere up there where I mashed two rules together to create one monster rule. But anyway! Those are all the grammar rules that I feel like talking about today because I’m not in a teaching mood, I just want to write. *says threateningly* Any last words?

*Trembles* B-bye everyone . . . please, tell my cat . . . that I won, I won that yawning contest! NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS.

*bursts out laughing* You have the weirdest things to say Jo. But anyway, bye!

~Marie and Jo